Self doubt as of March 24th

I’m far from exceptional. In fact, I’m downright mediocre at all aspects of life. I work in an industry that demands that every hire is exceptional at everything they do, so I act like I’m exceptional.

Many people talk about impostor syndrome and how it’s typically caused by low self esteem. What if my self esteem is right fucking on-point, and I’m just an impostor? I certainly don’t feel like I belong.

Too much time spent hustling to get where I am and now my lack of fundamentals are showing. I’m nothing but a bullshit artist and my art is going out of style. 

My mother is dying and I don’t care at all. She never loved me as much as the idea of me. I feel like a bad person for not caring, and that causes me to spiral into more self-hate. What about her being sick makes her a good person now? Am I supposed to forgive her for putting our daughter in serious danger simply because she’s sick? Am I a sociopath for saying no?